Woods RecruitingCollege Recruiting Service

Tweet

With the rapid proliferation of blogs and social networking sites like Twitter, it’s entirely possible that the Shakespeare of our generation has a little-known url to his or her name right now.

We’re certain that person isn’t Miami Heat rookie Da’Sean Butler, though.

Butler’s Twitter account has been buzzing the last few days when he turned the usual stream of babbling minutiae into a platform to launch his career as an author. Over two days, Butler tweeted his introductory opus—with the dastardly clever title of, “A Short Story”—140 characters at a time.

The story follows a 22-year-old native of Newark named Da’Sean (where does he get that creativity from?!?!) who happens upon a purple dinosaur ingeniously (and in no way violating copyright laws) named “Barney” who he elects to bring home as a pet.

Da’Sean’s mother, Koreena, admonishes him about his father’s disapproval of his would-be pet, but Da’Sean soldiers on. The idyll is broken while our hero is watching “Family Guy” and he is roused by his father’s complaints of the dinosaur leaving, “smack dab in the middle of the Table, the biggest pile of Dinosaur doo-doo he had ever seen!”

Da’Sean is forced to return the dinosaur to the local Game Stop (again, just a coincidence), scolding him along the way and returning home to “have a deep cry” knowing “he had lost his only friend in the world.” But after knocking back a half dozen root beers and having to clean up the mass of dinosaur crap, the suddenly sage-like Da’Sean realizes he is better off without Barney.

In true Aesopian fashion, Butler (back to real-life now) ends with the moral of his parable: “Sometimes you[r] best friends can get your ‘whoopee cakes’ n a lot of trouble be sure to listen to your parents they know what’s best.”

We’re going to need a second opinion on just where a person’s “whoopee cakes” are located, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg of question’s Butler leaves us with.

Is he trying to tell us about some deep-seated emotional issue from his past? Would Freud be able to clear enough time from his schedule to explore this? Which one of the concentrations in his Multidisciplinary Studies degree at West Virginia does this fall under?

Here’s our theory: read this story again, only replace “Barney” with “Udonis Haslem”, “doo-doo” with “20 grams of pot”, and “Game Stop” with “prison”. Suddenly, a silly fairy tale is a well-constructed allegory, though it still doesn’t explain the whoopee cakes.

Photo via

Come check out my whoopee cakes on Twitter @sportsdoctormd

SportsGrid