Last week there was no legitimate meltdown material, but this week may be the best yet. With rivalry games in full swing and BCS game implications on the line all over the country, an abundance of meltdowns was to be expected and several fan bases delivered.

This week in meltdown time we have Alabama (puke), Texas, Florida, Ole Miss, Boise State, LSU, and Michigan. All seven of those programs suffered defeat last weekend, and for one reason or another each fan base nearly jumped off a cliff.

The topic list this week includes goats, prison, rape, abortions, man whores, dogs, fair weather fans, honeymoons, divorce papers, sobriety, liquor cabinets, South Carolina t-shirts, Jesus, pigs, Deliverance, small pox, suicide, and welfare checks. And that was just the ‘Bama meltdown.

You know the standard warning that comes with this piece, and it applies even more so this week. Consider yourself warned. Enjoy after the jump:

go ahead. call me a dick and a fair weather fan. but fuck saban in the goat ass for blowing that shit for us. we came out like a bunch of fucking beaten dogs in the second half. and we looked like fucking all stars in the first half. that was sickening.

We fucking blew it.

I hope Cam doesn’t make the NFL and has to make a living as a fucking man whore in a maximum security prison.

Losing the way we lost is like getting raped by your father in law in front of your wife. Its image that will haunt you your whole life.

Auburn winning is like getting a handjob on your honeymoon.

Time to dust off the ole’ Gamecocks t-shirt. Fuck me!

My father and I have already drank the entire liquor cabinet.

Served divorce papers before the game started. We blow a 24 point lead. Six months of sobriety being tested. FML! Somebody please knock me out!!!

I don’t give a jumpin’ fuck what the 2011 team looks like. This GD team QUIT today against their chief rival! Say what you want about other “choke” losses — such as the 1994 SECCH — this fucking team QUIT. They didn’t choke, as there is a HUGE difference between the two. And for that reason (as I said in the 2nd Half Thread), FUCK THE 2010 CRIMSON TIDE. THEY QUIT ON THEMSELVES AND US!

Total bed shitting.

Lots of asses puckered when the pressure came.

I feel like burning something alive. I need Jesus after this one.

There will be no walking away from the shit I’m putting my liver through tonight.

We bent over and squealed like a pig for Newton

It’s up to the returning guys to actually turn into worth a damn football players who don’t shit the bed every time they face a good team.

We fuckin’ got Deliverance’d in the second half! And God it hurt.

Got a supposed Rhodes Scholar at quarterback and we cannot even get the call for a fucking quarterback sneak in?

All of a sudden our unimaginative offense can’t run for more than 2 yards, passes dropped like a fucking small pox blanket and the D is on cruise control. Happy Fucksgiving!

If this game were five quarters long, we’d get blown out.

We’re just drilling shit into the bed at this point.

McCarron isn’t a gunslinger, he’s a shitslinger

Don’t know why Auburn fans get so mad when ‘Bama wins titles because apparently it just means Auburn is going to be unbeatable the next year

I should have just committed suicide at halftime.

And off the fumble, not shit. We aren’t even competent enough to cash the fuckin’ welfare check. It’s a damn miracle we even got a first down.

UTTER GOD DAMN IDIOTS THIS ENTIRE STAFF FUCK YOU BURN IN HELL YOU OVERPAID FAT FUCKS

fuck everything. fuck everything about this god damn team

This whole team must have injected HIV into their dicks at the beginning of this season. Holy fuck.

I hope someone beats Greg Davis to death with his rainbow faggot playbook

They ought to shoot every motherfucker on this team and feed them to Bevo

Is four loko still legal in Houston?

This ENTIRE team is an abortion.

Time for me to throw a bunch of hypodermic needles in a ball pit and swim around.

Fuck Mack Brown in the ASS! HE IS RESPONSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m going to start plucking ball hairs.

Just wanted to log on today to say that Davis chokes on turkey dong

Maybe if davis is still around when aggy brings back the bonfire he can go die in it.

Could Bevo come out and play QB for us?

FALSE START, HOLY GOD DAMN AIDS. Jesus shit dicks.

Whoever that was needs to have a broom handle shoved up his ass when he’s sleeping.

I am going to puke on my balls

I going to slam a shake weight into my nutsack repeatedly.

Dear 2010 Texas Longhorns football team and coaching staff: I hate you. Die in a fucking fire. You suck.

Goddamned fucking homosexual pricks. Every last one of them. Fuck Craig James, too.

God damn this fucking team so fucking much. a marginally competent team would have one this fucking game. I am going to drink heavily and try to forget this entire abortion of a season. then i will wake up and hunt down and kill craig james.

There are two living creatures on the planet that I could walk right up to and put a bullett into its skull, and go home and sleep like a baby. A pit bull and Gregg Davis

Aggie jumped on that fumble like it was a bent over sheep

I want to send our entire team and coaching staff to gitmo for some waterboarding.

Amazing that Ag can change horses midseason but we have to ride our busted mule all the way to the end.

Our running game needs some fucking Viagra.

Any black friday sales on shotguns?

can these fuckers stop slobbering GD’s cock. fucking hell. I know James loves the dick but jeezus

Garrett would fuck up a Swedish 3-way.

Fuck you pussies. Bunch of fucking pussies. Start drinking heavily and hit someone!

As I said in the game thread…implode the whole fucking program and start from scratch. I’d rather be UT-San Antonio right now than Texas.

“I’ll be home for Christmas” would be good background music right now.

“It could be worse”? No motherfucker it really couldn’t. I’d rather get the death penalty than watch another year like this.

Greg Davis is proof that Jesus doesn’t love us.

We should have just crashed that plane into the locker room on gameday instead of waiving some stupid fucking banner from it.

Help! I stepped in a time machine and I’m back in the early 1990′s!

Lowest point in the history of Florida football.

Unfortunately, the town I’m in right now doesn’t have a bridge high enough to kill me if i jump.

Maybe there will be a huge brawl and both teams will be banned from bowl games, that would be great.

This is the cherry on the Shit Sundae Gator fans have been forced to eat this year

FSU will probably retire the jersey of Moses Jenkins

Shit, they already filed an amicus to get him a sixth year

So, um, yeah, that’s why we worshipped Tebow. I’d give anything to get his queer ass back

Do any of you guys even know how to get to Shreveport? That’s not near Baton Rouge is it??

I guess this is how Georgia feels?

Urban Meyer should retire immediately. I’d shoot my dog to get Dan Mullen back

Hindsight 20.20, we fucked up not kicking Meyer to the curb and hiring Mullen in 2009.

Be glad we’re not in the West, we wouldn’t even be bowl eligible

This team would get skullfucked by Ole Miss

I’m just glad we didn’t have South Florida and Central Florida on the schedule

Shannon gets fired too. Worst fucking day for Florida since pre-Spurrier

Meyer’s next stop needs to be Oprah, not Gainesville

I have officially ceased to give a flying fuck about Ole Miss, the sport of football, or anything. They can all seriously go fuck a duck.

We make Chris Relf look like Joe Montana

My mom just said she was glad my uncle had passed away in January so he went out on a Cotton Bowl victory and didn’t have to endure this season.

If Nix isn’t fired Jacksonville State is my new team and they can shove Ole Miss football right up Nix’s ass next to his high-dollar contract and Assistant Head Coach title.

Just be glad Auburn bought Newton or we’d be watching MSU on their way to a national title.

We should just quit playing football and save the money. Nobody comes to Ole Miss for the football anyway and all we do is embarrass ourselves on national TV anyway.

This season has felt like the Bataan Death march.

The Cubs will win the World Series before Ole Miss wins the SEC

PA system didn’t work the entire first half. Fuck winning, we haven’t even mastered the intricacies of a speaker system.

At least the scoreboard didn’t catch on fire this week

No use lying, shit like this is what being an Ole Miss fan is all about. It’s shit and shittier

Robert E. Lee will rise from the dead and lead the confederacy to victory before OM wins any championship.

The only reason Ole Miss football exists is because we are gluttons for punishment.

Glad we embarrassed ourselves by hiring a convict to play QB to lead us to a 4-8 season.

Wonder if Masoli finishes that Parks and Recreation degree?

We need to blow up this program entirely. Change the name, change the mascot, change the colors, change the uniform, change the logos, change the stadium name, raze the Grove, everything. Just start it over as a completely new program. If we were a pro team we’d move cities.

This year was terrible but next year will be worse. There was a reason why Nutt sold his soul to get Masoli and win now, he knew there was no future here. I’d bet anything he’ll leave if anyone will take him right now.

Should we just pull a Tulane and leave the SEC?

BROTZMAN!!! I DIDNT REALIZE BILL BUCKNER KICKED FIELD GOALS FOR BOISE STATE.

At least Nevada didn’t knock one of our players the fuck out

No bcs, no rose bowl, no money to help expansion. Unreal choke job.

Going to have to avoid all technology for a few days. Course, that’s not too hard to do here in Idaho.

Hate to say it, but we were a sham. All those in the national media carrying our banner look retarded. No team even playing Nevadaa close like that deserves any MNC talk.

That kick was good, ,that was all just bullshit conspiracy by the BCS

Brotzman and that Bills WR need to get together and form a support group

Admit it, this team spent entirely too much time getting their dick sucked in the national media and let a team that shouldn’t have been on the field with them knock them out

Dear Nevada, Merry fucking Christmas, Signed… Boise

I knew when they reviewed the Hail Mary catch that the refs were out to get it

Worst part? Gordan Gee’s cunt ass looks like a fucking genius

Watch Brotzman turn into an obsessed female investigator searching for stolen animals

We are what those cocksuckers thought we were!

So, we get James Madison in the Kraft Hunger Bowl?

Boise State will never recover from this loss. This was our opportunity to announce ourselves as a permanent marker on the national stage and we had one giant squirt shit.

Les should hand Gary a bus ticket back to BR and tell him good luck at LaTech

Drop him off in downtown Little Rock, and if there is any way he gets out of there alive, fire his ass

We couldn’t tackle a bag of dicks

It is what it is. We’re 10-2 but not worth a shit and that’s obvious. This program has some huge question marks right in front of it, and all we did this year was luck our way into kicking the can one year further down the road.

Watching LSU’s offense is like watching a woman in labor.

I watched my wife in labor and she looked much better.

Add Arkansas to the list of SEC West programs that have passed us. MSU is next. Thank God Ole Miss is so shitty.

Honestly, how the fuck is this team 10-2? It’s should be a damn miracle that we got to six wins.

Face it, the only thing keeping this from being an atomic implosion is because an overrated as hell Bama shit the bed and gifted us a victory. They win that game and people burn effigies tonight

Crowton is not going anywhere. Jordan Jefferson gave one of his naked pictures of Les to Crowton.

Dear Jesus just please let this fucking abortion of a college football season end. Not ust LSU, but entire CFB scene it’s been a disaster since June

I hope Charlie Mac Jr. stays 100 years!!! Mediocrity is awesome!!!

It all starts up front. On both lines under Les we’ve slowly transformed from bruising punishers to bushy pussies.

Can’t spell Les Miles without two L’s!

LSU had 75 yards of offense in the second half. 74 more than I expected.

No Mettenberger, if you have any sense at all stay far away from this abortion of a program.

Cash in an LSU bookstore bag needs to accidentally fall in his driveway.

Mettenberger can come fuck my sister if he signs with LSU.

Sister? He can fuck my wife.

I am hoping that Michigan calls. cannot take this shit anymore. We are stuck with this terd for years

Jefferson has no touch whatsoever. I’d hate to be the woman he tries to fuck.

LSU will never be elite with this coaching staff. We will be the Virginia Tech of the SEC – always close but never quite getting there

I’m storming the LSU Football Ops building and taking out Gary Crowton! Public beheading. Who’s down?

I’ll give you a police escort.

I’m not one for lyrics, but I know that LSU football would make for one hell of a depressing country music song

Gary Crowton getting paid is basically embezzlement at this point

My kid was making his Christmas wish list tonight and asked me what he should put on it, and I told him an OC

I’d rather take a blow torch to the eyes than watch another year of Crowton

Mallett had more passing yardage on three passes than we usually get in three games

We would have been just as competitive if the team plane crashed on the way to Columbus.

The harsh truth is we don’t have much of a football team now. We’ve just got a bunch of guys who all show up on Saturday wearing the same clothes.

And our “program” is really just a handful of guys praying to every god underneath the sun that Jim Harbaugh takes this job.

The actions taken by this football program have been as if we are attempting to destroy it

Admit it, we are a hockey school now.

We couldn’t beat the Ohio State scout team. At no point was victory ever even a legitimate possibility today.

Rich Rodriguez will go down as the biggest coaching flop in the history of college football.

Poor Rodriguez should go back to West Virginia. He’s brought intramural football to Ann Arbor

We should just join the Big East.

I wish the federal government would have let GM and Chrysler go bankrupt and then maybe this entire state would have just collapsed and taken this shithole program down with it.

This team is dead. This town is dead. This state is dead.

If Michigan football were a horse it would have been shot two years ago.

Somewhere in hell Woody Hayes is stroking his dick watching this game film

Roll ‘Bama Roll

Tweet